On Voting.

When it comes to politics I do not generally appeal to my local friends and my U.S.A friends at the same time. Today must be different

To my South African Friends,

In this coming year we have a general election coming up. I beg of you take a stand and be counted. Vote for someone, anyone. Heaven knows I don’t give a rat’s ass who you vote for. Just please don’t be complacent about it. Take a moment to reflect on how your right to vote was paid for in blood by many. Take a moment to reflect on how if you don’t vote now, in ten years you may not have the right to vote anymore. Reflect for a moment on how grand life might be if Julius Malema gets a cabinet post.

If you have not registered yet , *smack* you naughty person you. Head on over to
https://www.elections.org.za. You can find out where to register or verify that you are still registered and on the Voters Roll. Mark the 8th and 9th of November 2008 in your diary’s now. These are voter registration days, where you will be able to register at your nearest polling station. A South African I.D. Document and proof of residence will be required.

To my American friends,

Your day of reckoning is a lot closer. All I will say here is maybe just maybe if there had been less voter apathy the “Clown Prince of The World”, George Dubbya would not have had a second term in office. Don’t think your vote cannot make a difference. When your top man/woman treads on your civil liberties, they tread on the worlds’. Yes I am a fan of Barack Obama, but no, I won’t be prescriptive of how you should vote. Just please do vote. Maybe you want to reflect on where the republican administration got you and the world in the last two terms of office.

A Conclusion of sorts,

In short people voter apathy for me is appalling. If you are apathetic, don’t complain about your government after the fact. It may well be that your apathetic attitude helped put them there.

Interesting that apathy and pathetic have their origins in the same greek root “pathos”
Apathy – Insensibilty or indifference to suffering
Pathetic – liable to suffer.

Notably I think one leads the other. Your indifference to suffering will make you liable to suffer.

One last time, with feeling. Go and Register, Go and Vote Dammit! :-)

Catharsis he wrote...............

The Exsanguination

My tears like blood
Flowed across your infidelity
cast in stone in a foreign land,
An epitaph to their glorious dead.

My tears like blood
Flowed down the passage
That carried the echoed sound
of your lovers orgasmic bliss

My tears like blood
Flowed across a mount
A pile of pages to declare
Your love many thousand deep

My tears like blood
Flowed from the cloth on his back
It would not staunch the wound
It would not stop the flow

My tears like blood
Flowed across a friendly betrayal
The sound of delight
Upon his meet.

My tears like blood
Flowed across the scribing
A practicing hand
Erasing that of my birth

My tears like blood
Flowed across innocent hearts
Currying favour
Bought Betrayed

My tears like blood
Flowed across a pixilated landscape.
Rendered what was mine
Rendered to naught

My tears like blood
Flowed for the love lost
The countless cost
Yet to pay

My tears like blood
Flowed mostly though
For my life my love
No longer wanted nor needed.

My tears like blood,
Flowed across your infidelity
cast in stone in a foreign land,
An epitaph to that which died within me
Exsanguinated finally

The destruction within.

Sorry folks, it is a ramble and reflects my thought at the moment. I am not looking to make sense , or seek advice. It is in some way just a vent. How you interpret it/ apply it / view it, is up to you.

With the fire from the fireworks up above me
With a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain at hand
You run for cover in the temple of love
You run for another but still the same
For the wind will blow my name across this land

It is my observation and experience that often when we have something good, we are willing to bet it away in a game of chance, for something less good, transient, yet more exciting.

In the temple of love you hide together
Believing pain and fear outside
But someone near you rides the weather
And the tears he cried will rain on walls
As wide as lovers eyes

I know I do it, I have fallen victim to it. What in us makes us opt for self destructive behaviour against things that are working and good?

And the devil in a black dress watches over
My guardian angel walks away
Life is short and love is always over in the morning
Black wind come carry me far away

It seems we all live in a "summer of discontent". Are we all just marking time until something better comes along? I can no longer believe in forever. I dont know what I believe, let alone what I actually want.

With the sunlight died and night above me
With a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain inside
You run for cover in the temple of love
You run for another it's all the same
For the wind will blow and throw your walls aside

I wander if it is just our nature to fuck things up?

With the fire from the fireworks up above
With a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain
You run for cover in the temple of love
Shine like thunder cry like rain
And the temple of love grows old and strong
But the wind blows stronger cold and long
And the temple of love will fall before
This black wind calls my name to you no more

When does something become worth not screwing up?

In the black sky thunder sweeping
Underground and over water
Sounds of crying weeping will not save
Your faith for bricks and dreams for mortar
All your prayers must seem as nothing
Ninety-six below the wave
When stone is dust and only air remains

When do I value myself enough not to screw it up?

In the temple of love
Shine like thunder
In the temple of love
Cry like rain
In the temple of love
Hear the calling
And the temple of love
Is falling down

In the black sky thunder sweeping
Underground and over water
Sounds of crying weeping will not save
Your faith for bricks and dreams for mortar
All your prayers must seem as nothing
Ninety-six below the wave
When stone is dust and air remains
The only haven you can trust

Yes, I am down today. No my world is not at end or anything else in it. I just wonder if a "bad moon" is on the rise. I guess I will keep living in the moment and see if it does.

It's a GUY thing........

Hey good people, my readership of three or maybe a few more.


First off, thank you Marihanda for the suggested title of this post.

This post has been a long time coming. I have a whole lot of thoughts and yet very few words to express them. It may still grow to be a lengthy post though.

Thanks all of you for riding the hills and valleys of my life with me and I guess really for still being there.

"There's a period of life when we swallow a knowledge of ourselves and it becomes either good or sour inside. " ~Pearl Bailey

In short by now you all know I am not the straightest man out there. Sure I probably lived a lifetime in denial.

"God has given you one face, and you make yourself another." ~William Shakespeare

I am a man who likes men. Gay, Queer, Fag. I don't much care for the lables. The reality of coming out of the closet is, it is all too often, reduced to a sex act or a lust driven carnal promiscious lifetstyle.

Very far removed from the truth. It allows no scope for men who bond emotionally with men.

"There's this illusion that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in love. That's completely untrue. Everybody wants to be loved." ~Boy George

I am not about to justify anything here. I feel no need to. This is more about some of my mental meaderings and thoughts on the topic.

There is a lengthy theological debate that could be had. There is a lengthy philosophical debate that could be had. Morality can be argued in both debates. Pshycology has had a field day on the topic. It is not something I chose, nor is it an illness.

"If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer."" ~Robin Tyler

For anyone one who is curious as to what made me gay? Homosexuals are chosen first on talent, then an interview. The swim suit and evening gown competition pretty much gets rid of the rest of the competition. ;-)

Seriously I wondered, is this a choice I am making. Get real, no one would willfully choose to be gay. Why would anyone choose to be something found to be abhorent to a large segment of society. Homophobia of the worst kind is internalised homophobia. I know what it is to hate myself. I am dealing with it. I am out now , but not yet proud. In short I did not choose to be something that inside I felt abhorence towards. Then to still choose something knowing your own family, church and community may reject you. Highly unlikely.

"I like my beers cold and my homosexuals flaming." ~Homer Simpson. :-)

"The orientation is a given, not a matter of choice. It would be crazy for someone to choose to be gay, given the homophobia that is present." ~ Desmond Tutu

Once you can live with yourself, you still have to ask youself the question. Could I actually live with another man in my life? I dislike the one I am as it is. If I sound conflicted it is because I have been. It does not mean I am there now. It does mean I have been there.

Often I thought of what a revelation like this to the world at large could mean. Would it bug me, the conclusions that people could draw. Yes it could, but in the end those that know , know and for the rest, does it matter?

Wenchy and I still share a friendship. We had a good season, have our shared sorrows, regrets and responsibilties , made our apolologies and have moved on. I can only wish Wenchy everything good. I know that Wenchy shares the same sentiment for me. What went before does not matter anymore. We both agree we would have ended up where we are today, regardless of what path we chose.

I oft went cold with fear that I would loose my children. They love me regardless.

In a litany of personal acknowledgement I would like to thank (in no particular order), my brother Kevin, Marihanda, Janine, Stephen, Denise, Elize, Gavin, Erica, Gavin, Erica, (no it is not a typo), Jakes, Sonto, Shaun, Sean , Ray, Steven, Shane, Brett, Scott, Kevin, Tony, Brian, Jamie, Etienne, Mike, Ursula, My Therapist, Deborah, Craig, Francesca, Derek, Derick, Stephen,Kirk, Reid, Mike, Darryn, Rey, Brian, Harvey, Drew,RB, Paul, Timothy, Meryl, Andre (Regrettably, Postumously), Louwtjie, and Jen and a host of other fine men and woman. I still choke up thinking about the impact you all have. Each of you sowed, love , acceptance, a pearl of wisdom or gave unwavering support. THANK YOU.



This brings me to present day. Yes I am involved with a man. Jakes, mentioned above. He has perhaps answered more questions for me at a time I thought I was running out of questions to ask. He is sensitive, caring, patient, funny, affectionate, good to my children, and (dare I say sexy?) I am not looking for another parent for my children, they have quite enough. In Jakes they have a friend and who knows on a good day perhaps a common enemy...Me ;-). Both of us are very aware of the effect an emotional bond has on children, and will be mindful to make sure that come what may my children are not left hurting . He is a good man, of that I can be sure.


Always one to credit the photographer the photography and post editing was done by Christel my Ex spouse.

That aside I am living in the moment, one day at a time.

With Love

Me