It's a GUY thing........

Hey good people, my readership of three or maybe a few more.


First off, thank you Marihanda for the suggested title of this post.

This post has been a long time coming. I have a whole lot of thoughts and yet very few words to express them. It may still grow to be a lengthy post though.

Thanks all of you for riding the hills and valleys of my life with me and I guess really for still being there.

"There's a period of life when we swallow a knowledge of ourselves and it becomes either good or sour inside. " ~Pearl Bailey

In short by now you all know I am not the straightest man out there. Sure I probably lived a lifetime in denial.

"God has given you one face, and you make yourself another." ~William Shakespeare

I am a man who likes men. Gay, Queer, Fag. I don't much care for the lables. The reality of coming out of the closet is, it is all too often, reduced to a sex act or a lust driven carnal promiscious lifetstyle.

Very far removed from the truth. It allows no scope for men who bond emotionally with men.

"There's this illusion that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in love. That's completely untrue. Everybody wants to be loved." ~Boy George

I am not about to justify anything here. I feel no need to. This is more about some of my mental meaderings and thoughts on the topic.

There is a lengthy theological debate that could be had. There is a lengthy philosophical debate that could be had. Morality can be argued in both debates. Pshycology has had a field day on the topic. It is not something I chose, nor is it an illness.

"If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer."" ~Robin Tyler

For anyone one who is curious as to what made me gay? Homosexuals are chosen first on talent, then an interview. The swim suit and evening gown competition pretty much gets rid of the rest of the competition. ;-)

Seriously I wondered, is this a choice I am making. Get real, no one would willfully choose to be gay. Why would anyone choose to be something found to be abhorent to a large segment of society. Homophobia of the worst kind is internalised homophobia. I know what it is to hate myself. I am dealing with it. I am out now , but not yet proud. In short I did not choose to be something that inside I felt abhorence towards. Then to still choose something knowing your own family, church and community may reject you. Highly unlikely.

"I like my beers cold and my homosexuals flaming." ~Homer Simpson. :-)

"The orientation is a given, not a matter of choice. It would be crazy for someone to choose to be gay, given the homophobia that is present." ~ Desmond Tutu

Once you can live with yourself, you still have to ask youself the question. Could I actually live with another man in my life? I dislike the one I am as it is. If I sound conflicted it is because I have been. It does not mean I am there now. It does mean I have been there.

Often I thought of what a revelation like this to the world at large could mean. Would it bug me, the conclusions that people could draw. Yes it could, but in the end those that know , know and for the rest, does it matter?

Wenchy and I still share a friendship. We had a good season, have our shared sorrows, regrets and responsibilties , made our apolologies and have moved on. I can only wish Wenchy everything good. I know that Wenchy shares the same sentiment for me. What went before does not matter anymore. We both agree we would have ended up where we are today, regardless of what path we chose.

I oft went cold with fear that I would loose my children. They love me regardless.

In a litany of personal acknowledgement I would like to thank (in no particular order), my brother Kevin, Marihanda, Janine, Stephen, Denise, Elize, Gavin, Erica, Gavin, Erica, (no it is not a typo), Jakes, Sonto, Shaun, Sean , Ray, Steven, Shane, Brett, Scott, Kevin, Tony, Brian, Jamie, Etienne, Mike, Ursula, My Therapist, Deborah, Craig, Francesca, Derek, Derick, Stephen,Kirk, Reid, Mike, Darryn, Rey, Brian, Harvey, Drew,RB, Paul, Timothy, Meryl, Andre (Regrettably, Postumously), Louwtjie, and Jen and a host of other fine men and woman. I still choke up thinking about the impact you all have. Each of you sowed, love , acceptance, a pearl of wisdom or gave unwavering support. THANK YOU.



This brings me to present day. Yes I am involved with a man. Jakes, mentioned above. He has perhaps answered more questions for me at a time I thought I was running out of questions to ask. He is sensitive, caring, patient, funny, affectionate, good to my children, and (dare I say sexy?) I am not looking for another parent for my children, they have quite enough. In Jakes they have a friend and who knows on a good day perhaps a common enemy...Me ;-). Both of us are very aware of the effect an emotional bond has on children, and will be mindful to make sure that come what may my children are not left hurting . He is a good man, of that I can be sure.


Always one to credit the photographer the photography and post editing was done by Christel my Ex spouse.

That aside I am living in the moment, one day at a time.

With Love

Me